You know who you are. There’s no reason for me to address this to you. I don’t want to write a book here. I want to keep this short and to the point and I don’t want to cry over you anymore. I’m not sure if this will make you upset, I’d like to think so, but that I don’t know is just one more reason to do it. It’s come to the point where you’re not good for me anymore, and maybe I’m not good for you. I’d like to think I’m not responsible, but I must be, at least in part for how things turned out with you. I love you a lot, and I’m sure I always will. I’ll miss you. I’ll look at my yearbooks or old pictures and think about you and how deep I felt for you and how it was different than any friendship I’ve ever had.
But we’ve come to a place where I don’t trust you and that’s too much for me. Every time I think about contacting you and talking about it, I see no reason to do that again. We’ve talked. Repeatedly. And it always ends the same. I always end up upset that nothing’s changed. Crying over you.. again.
I want you to know that I feel like I tried. And I think that in some way so did you, but I think you could’ve done more. If you wanted me in your life so badly, you would’ve put me there, not turned me down or shut me out when I wanted you around.
Yes, I’m bitter.
I’m sure that’ll pass.
No, I don’t regret you.
And I love you very much.
But that doesn’t mean as much as it should.
I need to look out for me, which is a concept that’s pretty new to me. I let people that I care about walk on me. I did it with you.. even with Keith, and I’ve got to stop letting that happen to me and take some control over who I allow to be close to me.
So much for not writing a book.
I hope you’re ok.
And happy.
♥
